His Hand

Yesterday was our third wedding anniversary. As I wrote in Nick's card, in some ways it seems like longer and in others it seems like just yesterday.

I remember certain things about that day very well. I remember getting ready at the hotel and my mom driving like a mad woman to get me to the Academy on time for my meeting with Nick.
I remember seeing Nick for the first time in my wedding gown. His face was so proud, so full of love and devotion. We took pictures around the outside of Doolittle Hall and then at the chapel.

I remember how nervous I was to walk down the aisle. As I stood next to my father and looked down that (incredibly) long aisle, I turned to him and joked one of our favorite quotes from Arrested Development, "I've made a huge mistake!" We laughed and that eased the anxiety tremendously.

I remember walking down the aisle, seeing the faces of all of my loved ones in one place and then, looking up, seeing the face of my one love. It was such a beautiful moment.

I remember my dad patting me and Nick on the back as he gave me away. He took our hands in his and placed them together. That's when he patted us, kissed my cheek, and went to sit down. I will never forget the way it felt to symbolically be transferred from my father's caring hands to Nick's loving hands. Taking Nick's hand in marriage is the best thing I've ever done.

Sometimes it scares me to think about what life would be like had I not chosen the path I did. I don't like to bring up my "romantic" past, but it's not a secret that I was crazy (literally) over someone else at the time Nick and I met. I wanted to let go and move on, but I didn't think it was possible. I was sure there was no one else and that God wanted me to suffer with my feelings for this person for the rest of my life. I was resigned to that fact and even tried to embrace it. Eventually, I got tired of the constant misery and by the time Nick and I had been friends for a year I was ready to let go. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. After 7 years of being dragged around and pushed down I had had enough. I asked God, with as much faith as I could muster, to heal me. I prayed that He would take away the negative emotions I had and I told Him that I trusted Him and His plan for my life. Like I said, I tried to believe it, but I didn't expect a miracle. That's the wonderful thing about God, though; He is full of miracles!

Once I had let go and moved on I quickly realized that the absolute perfect man for me was right in front of my face. He had been patiently waiting for me to come to my senses. I kid you not, when I did finally come to my senses it was like a lightning bolt hit me and I was blinded with the truth: God had chosen Nick for me and He wanted to make it overwhelmingly clear! From that moment on I was completely committed and completely complete. It was a feeling of joy that is only outdone by one other event. Coincidentally, it's an event that also scares me when I think of how different it could have been. It is the moment of my salvation. To think of going to church, going to Bible study, and reading the Bible and nearly missing the whole point is nothing short of terrifying! You can fill your life with all sorts of "good" things, but if you don't ask Jesus into your life and to forgive your sins, all the good in the world isn't enough. It's taking that step of faith and placing your entire self into His hands that matters most.

So, while I am overjoyed that I took Nick's hand in marriage, I realize that if I hadn't first taken God's hand I wouldn't be where I am today. Thank you, God, for being so good.