His Will, Not Mine

Sometimes God speaks to me in music.  He sends me the song I need to hear at the moment I need to hear it.  Last week was a hard one.  I was emotionally drained and exhausted.  I'll get back to that in a minute. 

Brecken continues to make progress.  We had a Skype appointment with her doctor just 2 weeks ago and he was very encouraging.  He thinks she is doing well after being his patient for only 5 months.  He told us it takes a bone 8 weeks to heal, so how much more time must it take for the brain to heal. He described a great word picture of her peers being airplanes flying high at 40,000 feet. She is flying much lower than that and with each supplement we try we increase her altitude but then she plateaus. He said we will know we've found the right combination of treatments when she continues to steadily gain altitude without leveling off. He used his hands to show her little plane eventually intersecting her peers. That took my breath away.  I can't wait for that day! But...until then, I am still an impatient human mother who daily cries out to God begging Him for healing and telling Him I don't understand His plan. 

Now, back to the song that touched my soul.  I had never heard the beginning of this song and when I did, I broke down.  It's like I wrote the words myself:

I'm so confused
I know I heard you loud and clear
So, I followed through
Somehow I ended up here
I don't wanna think
I may never understand
That my broken heart is a part of your plan
When I try to pray
All I've got is hurt and these four words

Thy will be done

The next section of the song furthers my thoughts:

I know you're good
But this don't feel good right now
And I know you think
Of things I could never think about
It's hard to count it all joy
Distracted by the noise
Just trying to make sense
Of all your promises
Sometimes I gotta stop
Remember that you're God
And I am not
So

Thy will be done

Yes, God is God and I am not. Brecken is a joy, I adore her, but this wasn't how her life was supposed to be.  My heart breaks for her every day.  The pain pushes me to keep moving forward and that's good, but it still hurts.  The reality is that even though I don't understand this road we are on, I understand the One who is leading us.  I trust His promises. He is good and His will be done! 

Now, you should really listen to the video of Hillary Scott. For sure. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PAmh3yvmzXs